I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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