There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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