i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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