I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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