Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
