why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
