but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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