he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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