Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
