and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
