so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
