why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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