Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
