Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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