i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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