When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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