He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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