he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I touched a dick in church today
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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