Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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