remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
