3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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