i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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