drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
