I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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