last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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