Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Randomize
