how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
