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if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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