put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
