There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
