Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
