did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
