Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
