I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
