I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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