dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
