I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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