go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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