just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
