god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
