Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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