You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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