so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
