i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
