A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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