I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
