who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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