You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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