I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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