just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize