people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
