What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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