I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
