The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
