I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize