I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
