Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
