Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
