Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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