we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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