she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
