i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
