Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
