You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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